Back Woods Baby

photo by Sadeqa

“Puuush,” grunted the snag-a-tooth midwife squatted between my legs with curls of sweat weaved into the balding spots, separating gray sprouts of hair.  I could smell old age clinging to her scaly skin, and between that and the ear ringing contraction ripping through my body I felt like cussing.  But even in my condition, Gran would have reached over and slapped my face, so I held my tongue and did as I was told.  The old lady had already shoved her bare hand and whole arm inside of me, breaking my water deeming the baby ready.  Warm liquid dripped down my thighs, and was soaked up by the pile of towels propped under my behind.  Brown leather stirrups that looked like they belong to the horse out back, held my feet apart as I rocked against the tear splitting pain. 

We were in the back room of Gran’s sister, Kat’s house, embedded in the deep woods of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia.  Ant Kat’s house sat in the middle of fifty acres, and Gran said the land had belonged to her family since right after slavery.  The room we were in was the most recent addition, added about ten years before.  The wallpaper was a faded mauve with potted plants, and the few pieces of furniture were old, mitch-matched but dusted clean.  The overhead lighting was fluorescent, and there was a desk lamp sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, which Snag-a-tooth used to see.  I felt hot and damp, and could hear the mosquitoes buzzing round, fighting ‘gainst the screen door.   

A cousin I didn’t know kept rubbing a warm towel cross my forehead, and I liked her because she kept smiling with saucer-shaped eyes that told me I’d be okay.  Then she whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, she delivers all the babies within fifty miles,” then patted my arm.

Gran stood on the other side of me, and Ant Kat was at the foot of the bed, beside old Snag-a-tooth reading bible versus, and calling out to Lawd Jesus for my strength and salvation.

“Push, chile, push,” Snag-a-tooth shouted at me again.  “I sees the head,” she said leaning in closer.

Well grab it I wanted to sass, but right then a cold pain pierced through my belly with a fierceness that had my whole body shivering and teeth rattling, so much that I was sure I would swallow my tongue.  And even though I knew I was wrong for slipping out of church while Daddy Grace preached, and Gran was hunched down on her knees no doubt praying for my salvation, I didn’t want my life to end like this.  I found my voice and screamed like a lion would over the lost of her cub, and it came from some place so deep and real that even I didn’t recognize it.

“Hush up chile, wastin energy you gon’ need.  Baby’s crowning,” she said pushing my thighs further apart.  “Slow down, don’t want you tearing.”

Slow down, I can’t slow down.  Just get this thing out of me.  Please God, get it out.  I’ll never have sex again, I promise, just get this baby out.

Gran had leaned into my back, propping me up higher the way a hospital bed would have had I proper care, but no one back home knew I was having this baby, so I had to come way down to the country and have it in secret.  It was Gran’s idea, she didn’t want her sanctified church friends knowing of my indiscretion. 

“Next contraction, give it all ya got chile and this baby be here,” said Snag-a-tooth.  “Push like yous mad, push.”

On fire is the only way I could describe the heated pain that came from the split between my legs as she pulled the baby’s head out, and then let it dangle between my legs while she sucked the mucus from the nose and mouth.

“Slow and steady,” she said, and then yanked the rest of the body out of me.  I don’t know what happened after, cause the room went dark.  Maybe I fainted, but the next thing I knew, Gran was putting a swaddled baby in my arms, whispering that it’s a girl.  It’s a girl.  Then I looked at the little person in my arms and thought, wow she’s beautiful, and then lifted her cheek to my lips so that I could kiss her.  I smoothed back the black curl across her forehead, with the next thought pushing itself forward hurting worst than all of the pain that I had just endured. 

Too bad I can’t keep her.     

Angel.